Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Monday, April 16, 2012
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Reality Bites .......
As the American Dream is all about consuming and buying - imagine downsizing your life to the bare essentials
While you are at the shelter. space is limited so you really can't have alot there.
Clothing, shoes and pictures, and personal hygene stuff, is pretty much it.. in our room, we had 2 beds, 1 dresser, and 2 closets.
My daughter had pictures of my grand daughter, and my parents up. She decorated her closet walls with posters, those rubber bracelets, and other items. it looked really cute!
It was hard for me, because all my pictures are elsewhere...
I went ahead and left personal care stuff in the bathroom.. much easier that way! When we needed anything like QTips, shampoo/conditioner, toilet paper, tooth paste etc, we would write it on a sheet and the shelter provided it~ it was nice because it really enabled people to save their money~
But living your life out of a suitcase every day is not like one of those magazine features "travelling light"
While you are at the shelter. space is limited so you really can't have alot there.
Clothing, shoes and pictures, and personal hygene stuff, is pretty much it.. in our room, we had 2 beds, 1 dresser, and 2 closets.
My daughter had pictures of my grand daughter, and my parents up. She decorated her closet walls with posters, those rubber bracelets, and other items. it looked really cute!
It was hard for me, because all my pictures are elsewhere...
I went ahead and left personal care stuff in the bathroom.. much easier that way! When we needed anything like QTips, shampoo/conditioner, toilet paper, tooth paste etc, we would write it on a sheet and the shelter provided it~ it was nice because it really enabled people to save their money~
But living your life out of a suitcase every day is not like one of those magazine features "travelling light"
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
The reality of living in a shelter
I'd like to take a minute to tell you about my experiences at the shelter we were at.. it's something unless you have been in my shoes - homeless you will never know about visiting and volunteering is one thing - living in one is another
The shelter we were at is a family shelter, and really, I had visions in my head about shelters, and boy was I off! lol We were in the shelter starting the 22 of December 2011.
The way the program works is, if you are un employed, you have to put in 15-20 job applications a week.. you could do it online, or face to face. When you are employed, you look for housing... they have a nurse that is there 2 times a week, and I have to say, she is VERY knowledgeable they have a counsellor for kids, and she was great they have case managers for the adults, I'm going take the 5th on this one..
They have a housing coordinator, they have someone who works with people after the move into new housing.
I always felt like I didnt fit in; like the folks who worked there didn't want us there.. things were told to some residents, and not to others.. not a good way to do business~
Breakfast was served from 6am-9am; cereal, fruit, toast, and we made our own breakfast.
Lunch was whatever time you ate it.
Supper was at 6, and ALL residence had to be present, and in the dinning room, unless they were sick, or was un comfortable because one of the volunteers. Supper is provided by different Churches every week, and sometimes those volunteers are teen agers. Well, we were written up because there were 5 teen age girls there to volunteer, and my daughter was uncomfortable, and chose to stay in our room...
After supper, there were volunteers that took the children down stairs for an hour for play time.. ALL volunteers were from Churches in the area. They would cook all meals at their home, then bring it in. There were chores that had to be done every night, and most parents would do their chores while the children were downstairs. I would wait till after playtime, and have my daughter help.
It was hard going into the shelter in Dec, because we were going to spend the 23-25 with my oldest and her inlaws. We couldn't, because we HAD to be back at the shelter at 6pm. the other 2 shelters are not that way. I understand the reasoning for it; to have families have supper together!
We had an assigned day to do laundry, and I fel like a child because they had to put the soap in, because they were those new washers. At 9pm, stuff to pack lunches were set out, and you would pack your lunch for the next day. that food was also brought in by volunteers.. and sometimes, I think they would forget how long the lunch meat had been in the freezer.. Why? because when it would thaw it looked funny and tasted badly!
In the shelter were MANY different folks, from different placed.. ALL walks of life. For the most part, it was OK, I just dont like the treatment I recieved,,,
The shelter we were at is a family shelter, and really, I had visions in my head about shelters, and boy was I off! lol We were in the shelter starting the 22 of December 2011.
The way the program works is, if you are un employed, you have to put in 15-20 job applications a week.. you could do it online, or face to face. When you are employed, you look for housing... they have a nurse that is there 2 times a week, and I have to say, she is VERY knowledgeable they have a counsellor for kids, and she was great they have case managers for the adults, I'm going take the 5th on this one..
They have a housing coordinator, they have someone who works with people after the move into new housing.
I always felt like I didnt fit in; like the folks who worked there didn't want us there.. things were told to some residents, and not to others.. not a good way to do business~
Breakfast was served from 6am-9am; cereal, fruit, toast, and we made our own breakfast.
Lunch was whatever time you ate it.
Supper was at 6, and ALL residence had to be present, and in the dinning room, unless they were sick, or was un comfortable because one of the volunteers. Supper is provided by different Churches every week, and sometimes those volunteers are teen agers. Well, we were written up because there were 5 teen age girls there to volunteer, and my daughter was uncomfortable, and chose to stay in our room...
After supper, there were volunteers that took the children down stairs for an hour for play time.. ALL volunteers were from Churches in the area. They would cook all meals at their home, then bring it in. There were chores that had to be done every night, and most parents would do their chores while the children were downstairs. I would wait till after playtime, and have my daughter help.
It was hard going into the shelter in Dec, because we were going to spend the 23-25 with my oldest and her inlaws. We couldn't, because we HAD to be back at the shelter at 6pm. the other 2 shelters are not that way. I understand the reasoning for it; to have families have supper together!
We had an assigned day to do laundry, and I fel like a child because they had to put the soap in, because they were those new washers. At 9pm, stuff to pack lunches were set out, and you would pack your lunch for the next day. that food was also brought in by volunteers.. and sometimes, I think they would forget how long the lunch meat had been in the freezer.. Why? because when it would thaw it looked funny and tasted badly!
In the shelter were MANY different folks, from different placed.. ALL walks of life. For the most part, it was OK, I just dont like the treatment I recieved,,,
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
That's me off the ladder
So, needless to say, because I had used my rent money to pay for mommas cremation, in July 2010, I lost my home.. everything I owned went into storage, and we were staying at one of my daughters friends homes..
To back track a bit, a week after momma passed away, I was hospitalized, and diagnosed with sever COPD, and Type 2 diabetes.. also, the weekend we were to move out of the house, my son fell off a 24 foot roof, shattered one heel, and broke the other...
Staying at the friends house was ok for the most part, but for whatever reason, my unemployment from PA didn't transfere over, and I had no income.. the tension was getting to be a bit much, as the 2 best friends, (my daughter and her friend ) had a falling out..
We had come back to my home town of Chelsea, MI to visit friends and go to the fair.. my friend asked me if I wanted to stay with her and her children for 30 days, while I got things worked out.. So, thats what we did.
It was hard, because I was getting no income, and was sunk deep in depression... in 2010, Feb, April, Sept, and Jan 2011, we lost four family members.. Step dad, momma, uncle, and Grand mother...
So we went to another friends home, and had been there just over a year... her life had changed, and she was now involved with a great guy, and it was time for it to be her and her family once more..
My Son had to go stay at his girlfriends home, and my daughter and I went into a shelter in Dec of 2011. In Jan of 2012, i had major surgery; right c
To back track a bit, a week after momma passed away, I was hospitalized, and diagnosed with sever COPD, and Type 2 diabetes.. also, the weekend we were to move out of the house, my son fell off a 24 foot roof, shattered one heel, and broke the other...
Staying at the friends house was ok for the most part, but for whatever reason, my unemployment from PA didn't transfere over, and I had no income.. the tension was getting to be a bit much, as the 2 best friends, (my daughter and her friend ) had a falling out..
We had come back to my home town of Chelsea, MI to visit friends and go to the fair.. my friend asked me if I wanted to stay with her and her children for 30 days, while I got things worked out.. So, thats what we did.
It was hard, because I was getting no income, and was sunk deep in depression... in 2010, Feb, April, Sept, and Jan 2011, we lost four family members.. Step dad, momma, uncle, and Grand mother...
So we went to another friends home, and had been there just over a year... her life had changed, and she was now involved with a great guy, and it was time for it to be her and her family once more..
My Son had to go stay at his girlfriends home, and my daughter and I went into a shelter in Dec of 2011. In Jan of 2012, i had major surgery; right c
Losing My Job.......
So, losing my job was just terrible, because i just LOVED it there!
Little did I know the plans God had for me!
At the End of August 2009, we packed everything up, and driving a U- Haul truck pulling a U-Haul trailer, we started back to MI. I was STILL arguing with the Lord about moving back!
We pulled into Jackson MI at about 9am, 14 hours after we left Strasburg, PA. Momma was so frail looking.. she had pulmonary fibrosis, parkinsons, and sarcoid. there we 5 of us, 3 generations living in a 2 bedroom apartment.
My oldest daughter Stephanie and her husband were expecting their first child in September! on 11 Sept 2009, my daughter went to the hospital, and on 12 September 2009, my beautiful Grand daughter Sarah Renee was born!
How exciting for me to be able to bein the delivery room with my daughter and son in law when my grand daughter was born!
In Nov 2009, momma had a stroke... in Dec. 2009, my step dad's kidneys started to shut down, and he was hospitalized and then put into a rehab place so he could get his strength back.
Sadly, that never happened.. on 13 Feb 2010, my step dad had a massive heart attack, and passed away..momma was devistated! she slowly started going down hill..
I moved her in with us- I had a 4 bedroom home... it was easier that way, as I would take the kids to school in the morning, and then go to mommas and stay there; kids would come there after school, then we would go home in the evening...
Momma passed away 0n 25 April 2010. She fought a long and courageous battle... I used my rent money to pay for her cremation. my siblings didn't help at all... as a matter of fact, I still ow $500.
The day of momma's memorial service my brother kept taking all the cards folks were giving us. You see... when my step dad passed, I could only pitch in $500 toward the $4,500 1day viewing, and cremation. So my brother felt that the money that was given for momma was his..
Little did I know the plans God had for me!
At the End of August 2009, we packed everything up, and driving a U- Haul truck pulling a U-Haul trailer, we started back to MI. I was STILL arguing with the Lord about moving back!
We pulled into Jackson MI at about 9am, 14 hours after we left Strasburg, PA. Momma was so frail looking.. she had pulmonary fibrosis, parkinsons, and sarcoid. there we 5 of us, 3 generations living in a 2 bedroom apartment.
My oldest daughter Stephanie and her husband were expecting their first child in September! on 11 Sept 2009, my daughter went to the hospital, and on 12 September 2009, my beautiful Grand daughter Sarah Renee was born!
How exciting for me to be able to bein the delivery room with my daughter and son in law when my grand daughter was born!
In Nov 2009, momma had a stroke... in Dec. 2009, my step dad's kidneys started to shut down, and he was hospitalized and then put into a rehab place so he could get his strength back.
Sadly, that never happened.. on 13 Feb 2010, my step dad had a massive heart attack, and passed away..momma was devistated! she slowly started going down hill..
I moved her in with us- I had a 4 bedroom home... it was easier that way, as I would take the kids to school in the morning, and then go to mommas and stay there; kids would come there after school, then we would go home in the evening...
Momma passed away 0n 25 April 2010. She fought a long and courageous battle... I used my rent money to pay for her cremation. my siblings didn't help at all... as a matter of fact, I still ow $500.
The day of momma's memorial service my brother kept taking all the cards folks were giving us. You see... when my step dad passed, I could only pitch in $500 toward the $4,500 1day viewing, and cremation. So my brother felt that the money that was given for momma was his..
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Saturday Blues
Well, its Saturday, and I have a jack hammer running in my head, and I'm frustrated with my daughter!
SOMETHING has to change! I can't keep going through all the disrespect from her. it brings me down really, and it hurts.. I left this kind of stuff when I left her dad in 1998.. im tired of walking on egg shells with her. im sure homelessness has ALOT to do with it..
UGH! homelessness.. that word.
I dont like the sound of it... I dont like the feeling I have because of it. so many people have expirenced it. it takes your self worth, your pride, and everything else away from you.
One thing that has been a constant in my life is God. Always providing, always taking care of us! Thank you Lord! even when I am not faithful, He is thank you Jesus! He has put wonderful people in my life, and i am grateful. now if I could only get through this time with my daughter!
My nerves are history... all I do is eat eat eat! hungry or not! my thoughts are scattered most of the time, and again, its frustrating!
I praise You Lord, and give you all the glory!
SOMETHING has to change! I can't keep going through all the disrespect from her. it brings me down really, and it hurts.. I left this kind of stuff when I left her dad in 1998.. im tired of walking on egg shells with her. im sure homelessness has ALOT to do with it..
UGH! homelessness.. that word.
I dont like the sound of it... I dont like the feeling I have because of it. so many people have expirenced it. it takes your self worth, your pride, and everything else away from you.
One thing that has been a constant in my life is God. Always providing, always taking care of us! Thank you Lord! even when I am not faithful, He is thank you Jesus! He has put wonderful people in my life, and i am grateful. now if I could only get through this time with my daughter!
My nerves are history... all I do is eat eat eat! hungry or not! my thoughts are scattered most of the time, and again, its frustrating!
I praise You Lord, and give you all the glory!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Gosh, every day is such a struggle for me!
Gosh, every day is such a struggle for me!
The depression stinks, and playing the waiting game doesnt help at all cause I don't wait very well.. being homeless doesnt help with the depression.. kinda gets my anxiety going till i have an attack... just breathe! slowly breathe in... slowly exhale...
Homelessness knows no ethnic background, social status or anything like that.. we all say " it won't happen to me " well guess what? it did... how does it make me feel? like im not good enough.. like im a bad mom.. like like like like like... yes, the devil just loves when I doubt myself, and have fear.. well get behind me satan!!
God has gotten me through ALL of this.. without Him, im nothing. WITH Him I can do all!
I get tired... physically, and then my anxiety spikes and I have trouble breathing...this new chapter in my life has really worn me down...
Need to make more phone calls tomorrow... maybe eat healthy tomorrow.. lol theres always hope, right! will write more later..
The depression stinks, and playing the waiting game doesnt help at all cause I don't wait very well.. being homeless doesnt help with the depression.. kinda gets my anxiety going till i have an attack... just breathe! slowly breathe in... slowly exhale...
Homelessness knows no ethnic background, social status or anything like that.. we all say " it won't happen to me " well guess what? it did... how does it make me feel? like im not good enough.. like im a bad mom.. like like like like like... yes, the devil just loves when I doubt myself, and have fear.. well get behind me satan!!
God has gotten me through ALL of this.. without Him, im nothing. WITH Him I can do all!
I get tired... physically, and then my anxiety spikes and I have trouble breathing...this new chapter in my life has really worn me down...
Need to make more phone calls tomorrow... maybe eat healthy tomorrow.. lol theres always hope, right! will write more later..
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